To Brazil

Thursday, Feb 19th, 2015


You know how it goes. The trip that seems so far away one day seems entirely too close, closing in on the possibility of getting what you dreamed of done before walking out the door.

Well, the blog isn’t caught up. We are theoretically stuck somewhere in Cambodia.

It will be. One day. But definitely not today or the next two weeks.

Why? Because we are getting the hell out of Seattle and back on the road and I can’t be bothered to dig through terabytes of images.

How did we decide on Brazil? We didn’t. The dice did.

James was pushing for the Middle East. While I agree with him that it’s one of the most interesting parts of the world and it’s entirely easy to surrender to that curiosity and our absolute favorite cuisine (hello falafel), I wasn’t interested in being beheaded on the beach. I was pushing for green hikes, palm fringed beaches, and anywhere with the opportunity to pretend our first adventure never paused.

With a few and too many other destinations pulling at our interests, we decided to narrow it down to the number of faces on the dice.

1. Cuba

2. Brazil

3. Peru

4. Middle East

5. Think about it one more day, shared with diving in Carribbean (because realistically there needs to be another face on the dice)

6. Nowhere- save money and be boring


I rolled a 2; James rolled a 5.

So we slept on it, thought about it and the following day booked flights to Rio.

Getting a visa costs more than we were previously comfortable spending in 3 weeks. I ordered it through Travel Visa Pro and now that my feet are beyond immigration I can say with confidence they are a legitimate company that can decrease the pain-in-the-ass process of obtaining a Brazilian visa.

Judith donated her morning off to taking our butts to the airport. Our plane departed at 12:20 p.m. and we were in Houston 4 hours later. We decided to change over some money, but realized it would cost $25 to change $100 US to Brazilian Reals (R$). We passed on the exchange and instead opted for a quick stop at Ruby’s Diner before jumping on the long haul to Rio.

Our flight was delayed because the toilets on the plane weren’t working. Luckily the United Airlines moron behind the counter decided to announce to everyone that we would be flying at “60,000 feet” to makeup time and to encourage the shitter to work. I’m no flying genius, but isn’t that nearly double the average flying altitude? Sure hope their oxygen masks work if their toilets don’t.

After checking on Seat Guru and James memorizing the interior of every Boeing plane ever assembled, we were a bit surprised when our seats were crammed into a corner, non-reclinable and smashed up against the toilet. The stinky non-working toilet that would magically return to working order upon reaching those magical 60k feet.

“Oh boy, we are definitely tapping into that free alcohol so we can sleep on this thing” announced James.

No, actually we wouldn’t be drinking at all. United charges for booze on international flights.  They also only allow one cup of water for your 10 hour flight.

Just like the smell of the plane the entire ride, their onboard entertainment is pretty crap. They brag about their extensive selection of 109 movies, but it’s actually 11 movies in 10 different languages.

At least I managed to find something half-funny.

Each time the attendant passed we begged for water. She hesitantly poured an inch, rolled her eyes and announced each time that she wouldn’t have enough for other passengers. Those inches eventually made a full cup.

At one point I think we may have actually been at 60k feet because it was freezing. The woman next to us pulled out a down jacket and a beanie. To say it was a crap start to a good vacay is pretty accurate. Thanks United. We will definitely not be flying the sober, water-rationed “friendly skies” with you any century soon.

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